1 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:21,900 Hello! Hello, everybody! 2 00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:28,650 Yes, we're older, we're fatter, 3 00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:31,050 we're greyer, but we're back! 4 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,640 We're back! 5 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:39,410 And for the first time ever, we are being broadcast, simultaneously, 6 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,050 right around the world. 7 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,530 So, bonjour, g'day, 8 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,900 moshi moshi und wilkommen! 9 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,610 And coming up now is a taste of what you can expect 10 00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:53,620 over the next ten - yes, ten - weeks. 11 00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:56,250 Are you ready? 12 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,500 Now! 13 00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:04,820 We are revolutionising the world of cowboying. 14 00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:07,760 This is all perfectly normal. 15 00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:13,050 Do not let American Top Gear 16 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,040 lap British Top Gear. 17 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:20,800 Hammond! 18 00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,010 Coming to get you, Hammond. 19 00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:30,930 You need a new rear exhaust silencer. 20 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,600 God's holy trousers! 21 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,330 Calm, controlled, smooth. 22 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,450 Good for the patient. 23 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:51,700 Fuelled up. I'm amped up. I'm pumped up. 24 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:57,540 But it is... The Stig's Australian cousin. 25 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,860 Argh! Argh! Argh! 26 00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:08,820 May God have mercy. 27 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:13,160 What in God's name is happening?! 28 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,210 That all looks very exciting, 29 00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:26,250 but we start tonight with our sensible hats on. 30 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:30,610 You see, a few years ago, we staged a race across London. 31 00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:34,970 We used a car, public transport, bicycle and a speedboat, 32 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:38,490 down the River Thames. And it was one of our more 33 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:43,290 ~ genuinely interesting tests. ~ Yeah, it was, but it's always troubled us, 34 00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:46,210 because the bicycle, ridden by me, won. 35 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:49,650 And the car, which is the whole point of this show, 36 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,410 ~ came home stone-dead last. ~ That's cos he was driving it. 37 00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:55,490 ~ Well, yeah. ~ It wasn't entirely fair, was it? 38 00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:58,290 The car I had was a gigantic Mercedes off-roader. 39 00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:00,570 It's not really suitable for London traffic. 40 00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:04,490 Yes, whatever, OK? We decided we would re-run the race, 41 00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:08,650 only this time, we'd use a car that was a little more suitable 42 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,170 for city centre work. 43 00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:13,810 Absolutely, the question now, though, was, which city? 44 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,330 Because we'd already done London, obviously. 45 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:19,690 So, Jeremy got a map and a pin and because he's very tall 46 00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:23,570 and he has monkey's arms... 47 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,210 THAT is where we ended up. 48 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:41,650 This is St Petersburg, 49 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,210 in Russia - the most northerly 50 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:46,340 big city in the world. 51 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,730 And this is the car I'll be using. 52 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:01,090 This is the two-seat Renault Twizy. 53 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,410 It costs just £7,000 54 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,250 and it's an all-electric car, 55 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,930 designed specifically for the narrow streets of Europe's cities. 56 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:11,970 With this, I can't really lose. 57 00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:15,170 Yes, he can, because I shall be using this... 58 00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:18,090 It's the same sort of bicycle that Chris Froome used 59 00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:20,540 in this year's Tour de France. 60 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,200 Now, it is expensive. 61 00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:29,610 £9,000. It's £2,000 more than James's car. 62 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:33,210 It's a lot for a bicycle, but it's made of special carbon fibre, 63 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:36,530 so it weighs just 860 grams. 64 00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,690 I love this thing. 65 00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:43,290 ~ Every detail, it's just... Look at that, it's magnificent. ~ Morning. 66 00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:45,250 ~ Special. ~ Nice. ~ Yeah, I'd say. 67 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,530 ~ Bloody hell! ~ I know! 68 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,580 ~ That's amazing. ~ Yeah. 69 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,930 Yeah. Not good for you, I'm afraid, Hammond. 70 00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,610 I've got some medical research here. 71 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,850 That racing saddle will put 72 00:04:56,900 --> 00:05:01,170 between 25% and 40% of your body weight on your perineum, 73 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:04,690 which is the bit of you between your anus and your scrotum. 74 00:05:04,740 --> 00:05:07,730 And, as a result, blood oxygen levels in surrounding areas 75 00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:09,650 ~ will drop by 80%. ~ What are you saying? 76 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:13,890 ~ I just... Medical advice - cycling's good for you. It's healthy... ~ Wrong! 77 00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:16,930 ~ ..gets your lungs working, non-impact. ~ Totally wrong. 78 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:20,570 ~ Good for your cardiovascular system... ~ See. ~ .. bad for your chap. 79 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:23,610 ~ My what? ~ Your chap. Uh, honestly, listen to this. 80 00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:25,810 "Cyclists aged over 40 are considered 81 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,370 "at greater risk of erectile dysfunction." 82 00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:32,290 Yes, thank you, Dr Clarkson. That's fascinating. 83 00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,530 What about The Stig? 84 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:36,570 Oh, he's just on public transport, as before, yeah. 85 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:39,730 ~ And you? ~ Well, now, you see, last time, as you know, I used 86 00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:43,050 a speedboat to go across London, but at the end, 87 00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:47,090 it couldn't go on land, so I had to run, which cost me the race. 88 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:49,290 This time, however, I've chosen a boat 89 00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:51,140 that can. 90 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,730 Hang on a minute, isn't that a hover-van? 91 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:05,330 ~ It looks like a hover-van. ~ Well, it is. ~ Well, listen, gentlemen, 92 00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:07,650 most people laughed at our idea, 93 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,450 when we went on the River Avon in ours, but the Russians have taken 94 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:16,410 ~ our idea and put it into production! ~ It's a hover-van. ~ It's a hover-van! 95 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:23,810 ~ Are you feeling proud? ~ I... This is fantastic. 96 00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,930 Gull wing doors. We didn't think of that. 97 00:06:25,980 --> 00:06:29,370 ~ It's got a proper dashboard! ~ I know. It's from a Lada. 98 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:33,330 ~ It really does look like a van. ~ It is a van. It's got Lada engines, 99 00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,610 two of them, 72 horsepower, reliable. 100 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:39,450 ~ 72 horsepower? ~ Each. ~ 72? 101 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,330 ~ How do you operate it? ~ Yeah, what do those two pedals do? 102 00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:44,220 ~ These? ~ Yeah. 103 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:48,810 ~ Pitch. ~ What pitch? ~ Of? ~ Propeller pitch. 104 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,650 How do you steer it, with the wheel? 105 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,740 ~ Ah, no. Yes. ~ No, yes? 106 00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:56,490 When you're going quickly, this... 107 00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:59,890 ~ As you can see, I'm turning the rudders, yes? ~ Yeah. 108 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:04,500 ~ But that doesn't work at slow speed. ~ How do you steer it at slow speed? 109 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:09,370 ~ With pitch. ~ So, if you're trying to turn tightly at low speed, 110 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:11,890 ~ when your rudders aren't very effective... ~ Yeah. 111 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:15,940 .. do you use differential throttle or differential pitch? 112 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:19,610 ~ (He doesn't know.) ~ Yes, I... ~ So, which do you do? ~ Both. 113 00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:22,050 ~ Are there instructions? ~ Yeah, all in Russian. 114 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,850 So, you're going to race us in a hovercraft, 115 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,850 with a fraction of the power, anyway, of the one we built, 116 00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,730 plus, with controls you don't understand, 117 00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:33,330 and the instructions are in Russian which you don't speak. 118 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:35,690 'With my confidence brimming, 119 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:38,250 'it was time to prepare for our important race.' 120 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:42,820 If I'd come out and my bike had been nicked, then, I'd have been furious. 121 00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:47,610 We'd start at the Vostochny Yacht Club 122 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:50,050 and, from there, we'd race for 18 miles, 123 00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:52,250 all the way across St Petersburg, 124 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,730 to the finish line on Yelagin Island, 125 00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:56,530 outside a palace called 126 00:07:56,580 --> 00:08:02,100 Yelagin... Ums-struss-struss-gids... 127 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,250 That's all in Russian. 128 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,420 That's all in Russian. 129 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:30,100 Right, this is it. Goodbye, Stig. Forward into glory. 130 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,940 Here we go, defending the honour of the car, sort of. 131 00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:39,620 I don't know what any of that means! 132 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,170 Right, junction. 133 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:46,340 I've got my feet clipped in the pedals, I simply cannot stop. 134 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,090 Stupid boy. 135 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:50,810 Wrong gear. 136 00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,940 More power. 137 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:06,180 Move! 138 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,410 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. 139 00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,140 Oh, Christ! 140 00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,810 Oh, no. That's... 141 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,850 a rock, a rock, a rock. 142 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:26,740 Well, we're just going into those reeds and this does nothing. 143 00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:28,890 Back! 144 00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:31,130 ~ It's ~ BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. 145 00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:35,220 Forwards, again, on that. This is... I'm busy, I'm very busy. 146 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,450 I think I saw a bump. 147 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,570 Ow! 148 00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:45,720 That's probably ruined my sausage a bit more. 149 00:09:57,980 --> 00:10:00,370 Bloomin' heck! Oh... da-da-da! 150 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:01,530 Oh, God strewth! 151 00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:05,860 Now, it's just going round in circles. Pitch, pitch, pitch. 152 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,570 Right, now, I want to go that way. 153 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:13,180 Christ on a bike! I'm stuck in my own wake! 154 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,130 'As my three opponents...' 155 00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:49,090 ~ Come on! ~ 'Well, two of them, 156 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:53,020 'settled into the race, I was getting to know my car.' 157 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:58,610 So, what is a Twizy, exactly? Well, it's a metal cage, 158 00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:02,290 this frame, and there are plastic panels hung all over it. 159 00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:06,370 There are two seats, one behind the other, like a tandem. 160 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:09,970 Underneath me is the battery pack. That powers a 17-horsepower 161 00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:12,970 electric motor, driving the rear wheels. 162 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,690 'Acceleration? 163 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:19,530 'Well, it can't actually go from 0-60, cos its top speed is 50. 164 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:23,530 'But it does have a claimed range of 60 miles. 165 00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:25,850 'And, as an extra treat...' 166 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,930 .. scissor doors. Have you got scissor doors, sir? 167 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,380 No! Nyet! 168 00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:41,090 However, the Twizy is stone age technology, compared to my bicycle. 169 00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:43,130 I actually have electronic gears on this, 170 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:47,170 so when I hit the button on the handlebars, 171 00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:50,090 the derailleur, the thing at the back that changes gear, 172 00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:54,050 moves across, with a Robocop-like noise. 173 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:58,210 'And to make the whole thing as streamlined as possible, 174 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:01,570 'it's been shaped in Jaguar's wind tunnel.' 175 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,890 It even directs the air around the front forks 176 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:08,170 and around the drinking bottle, so it doesn't hit the rider's shins, 177 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:12,690 which are very unaerodynamic. Haha! There's May. Yes! 178 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:18,050 Hammond, here's what 17 horsepower will do. 179 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,410 Yee-hah! 180 00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:21,220 Oh, God. 181 00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:28,180 On board the only petrol-powered vehicle in the race... 182 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:35,730 .. I'd discovered the solution to my problems, as ever, was more power. 183 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,900 If you go quite quickly, the steering works well. 184 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,540 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now I'm heading for the wall! No! 185 00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:51,610 I'm in a power slide! I'm doing a skid! 186 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:56,020 Out of the way, birds, I can't steer! 187 00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:01,530 Stig, meanwhile, had finished with his tram 188 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:04,580 and was now heading for the underground station. 189 00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:40,260 We're back in front. It's going to be like this all the way. 190 00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:46,690 'On the river, I finally had HMS Awkward under control.' 191 00:13:46,740 --> 00:13:49,460 Come on, hover-van, catch the May! 192 00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:55,460 And there's another hover-van! My, they're popular! 193 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:02,690 22mph. Keeping a bit in reserve. 194 00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,610 Long way yet to go. 195 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,730 Oh, really? Really?! 196 00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,180 Overtakes a bicycle, with ease. 197 00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:15,180 Get some speed on. 198 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:20,970 Oh, hang on, I think that's him. Oh, no, there he is. 199 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,620 Come on, van! 200 00:14:24,580 --> 00:14:27,500 That, I believe, is James May. 201 00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,730 Where is Hammond? I don't see... There he is! 202 00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:36,420 Richard Hammond is in sight and he's behind me and slow! 203 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,260 Ah. 204 00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:46,130 'Seconds later, I also took James.' 205 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,370 Cocking Nora. 206 00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:55,180 Yes! Let's go win this race. 207 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,700 By this stage, Stig had found a metro station. 208 00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:13,610 And in this weird, subterranean world, 209 00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:17,500 he was distracted by many wondrous things. 210 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,690 Can I take him in that gap? 211 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:28,290 Making a lane... Yes! 212 00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:31,410 The interesting thing about the Twizy is, it is a genuinely 213 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,810 small car. It's a genuine city car. 214 00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:35,860 ~ BLEEP ~ there's a tram. 215 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:41,380 I hate trams. They're trains running down the road. Trains can't stop. 216 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:47,930 Whoa! Oh-oh-oh! Chuffin' tramlines. 217 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,210 'Still, it could be worse...' 218 00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:53,970 Oh, no, don't want to go on the tram tracks! I'm on the tram tracks! 219 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,570 I don't want to... Argh! There's one coming in the way! 220 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,760 ~ BLEEP. ~ Oh! Argh! ~ BLEEP. 221 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:03,490 BLEEP. 222 00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:04,680 Ah. 223 00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:10,920 Oh. 224 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,130 Argh! 225 00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:17,210 Oh. 226 00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:21,180 Oh. Ah. 227 00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:28,010 How's my bike? 228 00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:30,890 Yeah. Oh, that's not good. 229 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:33,090 The derailleur's come off. 230 00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:35,370 It's sheared. 231 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:37,730 Do you know what? 232 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:40,780 I think St Petersburg has beaten me already. 233 00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:46,170 'When the news reached my colleagues, 234 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:48,620 'they were suitably saddened.' 235 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:53,210 I mean, the one thing you have to avoid, on a bicycle, 236 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,860 in a city with trams, is tramlines. 237 00:16:57,060 --> 00:17:02,890 So, the fruit and nut-powered Richard Hammond has not only ruined 238 00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,780 his testes, his penis and his anus, but he's fallen off! 239 00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:12,700 This is a proper three-way race to the finish now. 240 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,490 James, hang on. 241 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:43,730 James, how can you call this a car, 242 00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:46,010 when it's got no heater, 243 00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:50,090 the boot is the size of a ladybird's clutch bag 244 00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:52,770 and the doors and windows are optional extras? 245 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:56,810 Yeah, but I like it cos it's simple. 246 00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:59,850 James, it can't even do 0-60. 247 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,450 ~ Yeah, but it's better than his hovercraft. ~ It is not! 248 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,770 ~ Well, it's less deadly. ~ Hovercraft isn't deadly. 249 00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:08,690 ~ Yes, it is. ~ Listen, Hammond, two points... 250 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:11,730 Number one, I'm the only person in that race who is representing 251 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,090 the Holy Trinity of oil, coal and gas. 252 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:16,410 ~ The Holy Trinity? ~ Yes, Holy Trinity. 253 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:21,170 And number two, every single city in the world underuses its waterways. 254 00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:25,450 They've all got jammed-up roads, congested trains, packed buses 255 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,650 and, right in the middle, a river with nothing on it, 256 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,610 apart from a couple of ducks. 257 00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:32,090 That's because everyone's terrified that there might be 258 00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:34,330 ~ somebody on it in a hovercraft. ~ Well, yes, 259 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:39,210 I agree waterways are underused, but the hovercraft is not the answer. 260 00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:42,620 ~ It is! ~ No, it isn't, so let's do the news. 261 00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:46,290 Um... 262 00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:50,130 ~ How? ~ How can we do the news, when it's over there 263 00:18:50,180 --> 00:18:53,050 ~ and we're, all three, over here? ~ See, normally, 264 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:56,290 we say, "Let's do the news" and, well, two of us do 265 00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,450 and one's over there. He starts it and then we join. 266 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,770 ~ But if we're all here... No, we can't... ~ Um. 267 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:06,250 I know. While we and the cameras move over there, 268 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,490 we'll show some footage of a squirrel. 269 00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:15,660 Right, the news... 270 00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:21,130 Sh, sh, sh, sh. And first of all, bad news, I'm afraid, 271 00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:23,970 because Britain's motorway network is going to get a new type 272 00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:26,850 of speed camera, which is grey and invisible. 273 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:31,770 And unlike any other motorway speed camera we've seen in the past, 274 00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:34,650 this doesn't just come on when the limit is lowered for some reason, 275 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,490 but it's on all the time, constantly. 276 00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:39,530 ~ Really? ~ Yeah, constantly. 277 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:42,290 That is funny, cos I seem to remember the Tory Party saying 278 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:44,570 they were going to "end the war on the motorist." 279 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:49,810 ~ I remember that. ~ But you can end a war by brutally killing everyone. 280 00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:53,490 Hertfordshire Police said, "It's not in the public interest 281 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,490 "to tell anyone where the cameras are." So, fair enough, 282 00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:59,050 we'll pay the fine. "I paid it into a bank account, 283 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,210 ~ "but I'm not going to tell you which one." ~ Work it out, yeah. 284 00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:05,530 I'll tell you the really bad news is that they're already 285 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,810 up and running in Kent, by the way, these cameras. 286 00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:13,130 Steve Harley, out of Cockney Rebel, has been busted by one of them. 287 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:18,290 ~ No! ~ Yes, he's 63 years old. He's eking a meagre living out of, 288 00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:21,210 let's be honest, only one hit single. 289 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:24,330 ~ And now, they've nailed him. ~ How fast was he going? ~ 70. 290 00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:28,210 But somebody in a motorway control room, in polyester trousers, 291 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:31,650 with appallingly-smelly armpits, had decided that the speed limit 292 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:35,250 at that particular moment, for no good reason, should be 40. 293 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,250 ~ 40?! ~ 40. ~ 40mph on a motorway?! 294 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:40,410 Yes, that was the speed limit that was prevailing when he was caught. 295 00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:43,490 ~ How much did he get fined? ~ £1,000. ~ 1,000 quid, for that?! 296 00:20:43,540 --> 00:20:46,890 ~ But I have an idea. You know if you download a song? ~ Yeah. 297 00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:52,050 The artist gets 49p. Now, why don't we download, 298 00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:54,650 ~ (Come Up And See Me) Make Me Smile? ~ I love that song. 299 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:59,090 Everybody loves that song. You can't trust someone who doesn't like it. 300 00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:00,410 What are you doing, James? 301 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,460 I've already got it, but I can delete it and download it again. 302 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,930 Imagine everybody did it! 303 00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,330 He'd wake up tomorrow and realise, "I'm number one! 304 00:21:09,380 --> 00:21:12,290 ~ "Where did that come from?!" ~ He wouldn't know, if he's not watching 305 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:14,330 Top Gear. "Why am I number one, all of a sudden?!" 306 00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:18,410 ~ That would cheer him up. ~ And the great thing is if he does go 307 00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:21,010 to number one, he'll have enough money to help other people 308 00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:24,250 out with their speeding fines. We could call it the 309 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:25,930 Make Me Smile Foundation. 310 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:28,370 Oh, that's a beautiful idea! 311 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:31,610 He could take out a small ad in the papers. He could say, 312 00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:34,460 "Caught speeding? Come up and see me." 313 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,050 It could work. Beautiful idea. 314 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:41,810 Now, Boris Johnson, who is a mayor, has decided he wants to make London 315 00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:47,170 an ultra-low emission zone. That's easy, just get rid of all the buses. 316 00:21:47,220 --> 00:21:52,650 ~ And he's back on his high horse. ~ No, cos this time, I'm backed by fact. 317 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:57,490 ~ Are you, really? ~ Yes, I am, because the levels of nitrogen dioxide 318 00:21:57,540 --> 00:22:00,970 pollution are measured constantly in Oxford Street, 319 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,930 right in the middle of London. I've got the graph here from the week 320 00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:06,970 before last. You can see here. 7th, this is the peak. 321 00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:10,610 Yes, that's the 7th of January. 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th - 322 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:12,860 the day of the bus strike. 323 00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:19,170 ~ Yeah. ~ So, there you are. You want to save the world, burn a bus. 324 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:22,450 ~ Let us move on. ~ Yes, let's. 325 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,890 I think we should talk about the cars that we're looking forward to 326 00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:28,650 ~ this coming year. ~ Good idea. ~ Yes. 327 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:31,570 ~ Tell you what I'm looking forward to this year, coming up? ~ What? 328 00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:35,890 Let's have a look at it. The Ariel Nomad. Look at that. Come on! 329 00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:38,410 ~ It's just scaffolding. ~ No, it is brilliant, is what it is. 330 00:22:38,460 --> 00:22:41,810 It's from Ariel, the same people who made the Atom, 331 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,610 ~ the car that ripped his face off? ~ I remember it. ~ It grew back, sadly, 332 00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:48,410 but this thing is, kind of, an off-road version of the same thing. 333 00:22:48,460 --> 00:22:51,970 It's got a 2.4 litre engine now and it's got all those body panels there. 334 00:22:52,020 --> 00:22:54,690 They're made out of the same material they use for traffic cones 335 00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:58,170 and boat fenders, so that thing is indestructible. 336 00:22:58,220 --> 00:23:02,130 ~ Which is a pity. ~ It's brilliant! I love it! Look at that! 337 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:04,970 Yes, but what are you going to do with it? 338 00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:07,890 Well, drive it about. You can drive it on the road. 339 00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:11,210 ~ That goes on the road. ~ Yeah, but you can drive a tractor on the road 340 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:14,130 ~ or one of those massive cranes that do 8mph. ~ I like those, too. 341 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,650 I want one. I'm going to have one. It's brilliant. 342 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:19,890 You are like a rural simpleton, you know that? 343 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:24,170 What do you mean, he's LIKE a rural simpleton? 344 00:23:24,220 --> 00:23:26,250 The car I'm looking forward to driving this year 345 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:28,290 ~ is a hybrid, actually. ~ Is it? ~ Da-da! 346 00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:31,210 There you go. Look at that. That's the new Honda NSX. 347 00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:35,410 Been waiting years for this. It's got three electric motors - 348 00:23:35,460 --> 00:23:38,450 one for each of the front wheels and then one at the back, 349 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,210 to supplement the twin-turbo V6 - 350 00:23:40,260 --> 00:23:45,090 550hp, weighs virtually nothing. £100,000. But if you think about it, 351 00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:49,930 that's a tenth of the price of a McLaren P1. That's just fabulous. 352 00:23:49,980 --> 00:23:52,370 ~ I don't like it. ~ That's cos you're a rural simpleton. 353 00:23:52,420 --> 00:23:56,090 ~ No, it doesn't look right. ~ It does look right! ~ Is it exciting enough? 354 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:59,250 No, I do like it. I think it looks great and sounds interesting, 355 00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:03,010 but I thought you would be more interested in this, the new Ford GT. 356 00:24:03,060 --> 00:24:06,330 ~ Oh, yeah. ~ That's more you. ~ Nah. ~ Why not? I'd have thought that was... 357 00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:09,330 No, I know. I've been there and I've, sort of, 358 00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:11,050 done that, with Ford GTs. 359 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:16,370 ~ Yeah. ~ They'll fit it with a burglar alarm that will go off every time 360 00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:19,770 you fall asleep or when your child's doing some important solo work 361 00:24:19,820 --> 00:24:21,810 in the school production - "Woo-woo-woo!" 362 00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:24,850 This is weirdly specific. Stuff that happened to you. 363 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:26,970 I know what will happen and then you'll drive home 364 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,490 and get a phone call from somebody, saying, "Your car's been stolen." 365 00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:32,490 You'll say, "It hasn't, I'm driving it." 366 00:24:32,540 --> 00:24:34,970 "We don't believe you. What's your mother's maiden name? 367 00:24:35,020 --> 00:24:37,090 "Did she like boiled eggs done for three minutes?" 368 00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:39,690 "I don't know." "We're going to shut the engine down" 369 00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:41,450 and you're at the side of the road 370 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,170 and get hypothermia and then the alarm will go off again. No. 371 00:24:44,220 --> 00:24:47,570 And I'm, sort of, done now, as you know, cos I'm mature and wise, 372 00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:52,170 with mid-engined cars. That does look great, but just not for me. 373 00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:56,610 Now, that's nearly the end of the news, but before we conclude, 374 00:24:56,660 --> 00:24:59,210 I need to say something, actually. I'm sure a lot of you saw 375 00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:01,410 the Patagonia Special and I want to admit, here and now, 376 00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:04,570 in front of everybody, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. 377 00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:07,730 Nobody knows I'm going to do this - not the producers, nobody - 378 00:25:07,780 --> 00:25:12,930 but I want to get it off my chest. Right in the middle of the programme 379 00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:17,330 I said that the condor is the largest flying bird in the world. 380 00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:20,010 It isn't. It's the wandering albatross 381 00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:21,810 and I'm deeply, deeply sorry. 382 00:25:21,860 --> 00:25:25,660 Well done for getting that off your chest. Feel better? 383 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,490 No, if you make a mistake, own up to it and move on! 384 00:25:30,540 --> 00:25:33,260 Fair enough. Right... 385 00:25:35,380 --> 00:25:39,410 .. now, we must move on to this, 386 00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:44,690 the Lamborghini Gallardo. It is the company's best-selling car. 387 00:25:44,740 --> 00:25:48,370 In fact, of all the Lamborghinis ever sold, over half of them 388 00:25:48,420 --> 00:25:51,210 have been Gallardos. 389 00:25:51,260 --> 00:25:56,580 Now, though, sadly, it's gone and in its place, there is a new car. 390 00:26:03,580 --> 00:26:05,120 Here it is. 391 00:26:07,580 --> 00:26:12,580 It's called the Huracan, after a famous Spanish fighting bull. 392 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:18,540 It costs £187,000. 393 00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:22,900 And it's brand new, from the ground up. 394 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:35,210 Oh, well, that's a problem right there. 395 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,970 I could've sworn this car was bright green, 396 00:26:38,020 --> 00:26:41,850 but according to the options list, it's Verde Mantis. 397 00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:43,730 Other colours available include 398 00:26:43,780 --> 00:26:49,490 "Arancio Borealis, Grigio Nimbus and Marrone Alcestis." 399 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:53,770 How's a Premiership footballer going to get his head around that? 400 00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:55,820 Anyway... to business. 401 00:27:11,420 --> 00:27:12,690 Oh-ho! 402 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:19,220 Besides having to take over the baton from the Gallardo... 403 00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:24,050 .. the Huracan also needs to hold its own in a game of top trumps 404 00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:29,180 against the Ferrari 458 and the McLaren 650S. 405 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,290 To do that, there are some very big boxes to tick. 406 00:27:39,340 --> 00:27:43,620 0-60 needs to be around three seconds... which it is. 407 00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:48,980 Top speed needs to be around 200mph... which it is. 408 00:27:50,540 --> 00:27:55,970 And horsepower needs to be around the 600-mark, 409 00:27:56,020 --> 00:27:58,210 which it is. 410 00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:01,650 All of that is thanks to a heavily-reworked version 411 00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:06,020 of the Gallardo's 5.2 litre V10. 412 00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:13,140 And as those revs climb, the jackhammer choir really kicks in. 413 00:28:19,820 --> 00:28:22,770 The Huracan also has a brand-new, state-of-the-art 414 00:28:22,820 --> 00:28:26,020 twin-clutch gearbox, which is superb. 415 00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:30,930 That's a good thing, because the one in the Gallardo was... 416 00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:34,130 Well, it was crap. It was awful! 417 00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,450 This, though, this is a joy. 418 00:28:38,140 --> 00:28:41,340 And there's more hi-tech weaponry at this car's disposal. 419 00:28:43,940 --> 00:28:46,610 It has carbon ceramic brakes, as standard. 420 00:28:46,660 --> 00:28:49,570 The back end is sculpted so it doesn't need 421 00:28:49,620 --> 00:28:53,090 a stuck-on rear spoiler for downforce. 422 00:28:53,140 --> 00:28:57,260 And, like most Lambos, it has a four-wheel drive system. 423 00:28:59,740 --> 00:29:02,680 But not just ANY four-wheel drive system. 424 00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:11,690 It has three gyroscopes on board, like you get on a fighter jet, 425 00:29:11,740 --> 00:29:14,820 and they're busy monitoring everything that's going on. 426 00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:21,690 They send all that information back to the four-wheel drive brain 427 00:29:21,740 --> 00:29:27,130 and it then decides how much power to send to each individual wheel. 428 00:29:27,180 --> 00:29:30,180 My head hurts just thinking about how all that works. 429 00:29:31,940 --> 00:29:35,700 The result is, you can corner at sensational speeds. 430 00:29:38,580 --> 00:29:42,700 I'm glued down. The grip is astonishing. 431 00:29:44,740 --> 00:29:47,180 It's almost undefeatable. 432 00:29:49,780 --> 00:29:54,900 If slithering about is your thing, you can have fun in the Huracan... 433 00:30:00,020 --> 00:30:01,360 Ye gods! 434 00:30:04,060 --> 00:30:07,660 ..but you need an enormous pair of gentleman balloons... 435 00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:14,160 .. and your own personal airfield to play on. 436 00:30:18,780 --> 00:30:22,500 And, for me, this is where the problems begin. 437 00:30:26,860 --> 00:30:31,010 This Huracan has been designed, on the road, to feel tame 438 00:30:31,060 --> 00:30:32,330 and user friendly. 439 00:30:32,380 --> 00:30:37,210 You don't get that special Lamborghini mentalist feeling, 440 00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:39,890 unless you are here, with an entire airfield under your wheels. 441 00:30:39,940 --> 00:30:43,040 And that's a bit of a heartbreaker, actually. 442 00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:47,100 And while we're on it, there's another issue. 443 00:30:49,460 --> 00:30:50,570 And it's a big thing. 444 00:30:50,620 --> 00:30:54,930 Basically - bear with me on this - it's the looks. 445 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:58,450 I know it's bright green and low and there's a bull on the front, 446 00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:02,250 but I just don't think that the Huracan is special enough 447 00:31:02,300 --> 00:31:03,730 for a Lamborghini. 448 00:31:03,780 --> 00:31:06,450 Lamborghinis should be jaw-dropping - 449 00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:08,970 that's why they make the best bedroom wall posters - 450 00:31:09,020 --> 00:31:11,170 and I just don't see it with this. 451 00:31:11,220 --> 00:31:16,290 I think the problem is, this has been designed to sell many, many times 452 00:31:16,340 --> 00:31:18,610 and to still look good in ten years' time. 453 00:31:18,660 --> 00:31:23,220 And I think, for that reason, they've played it safe. 454 00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:28,010 Lamborghini, like every car company, 455 00:31:28,060 --> 00:31:34,370 has got to shift units to survive, but I think, with the Huracan, 456 00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:37,770 they have thrown the baby out with the bath water. 457 00:31:37,820 --> 00:31:42,210 I've had some good times - no, great times - in Lamborghinis, on Top Gear. 458 00:31:42,260 --> 00:31:44,930 And if the producers got my e-mail... 459 00:31:45,860 --> 00:31:49,260 .. there shall now follow a montage showing that. 460 00:31:51,460 --> 00:31:52,940 Whoa! 461 00:31:54,660 --> 00:31:56,650 This is just so exciting! 462 00:31:56,700 --> 00:31:59,490 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 463 00:31:59,540 --> 00:32:02,300 That's absolutely brutal! 464 00:32:04,260 --> 00:32:06,050 Whaa-ha-ha! 465 00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:09,220 The most alive thing I've ever driven. It's beautiful. 466 00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:19,970 Now, as a car, this Huracan is probably 467 00:32:20,020 --> 00:32:23,370 better than all those other Lamborghinis, 468 00:32:23,420 --> 00:32:26,220 but those cars are better Lamborghinis. 469 00:32:28,860 --> 00:32:32,530 The other Lamborghinis made you feel special, even in traffic. 470 00:32:32,580 --> 00:32:36,620 This doesn't. And that's a loss. 471 00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:46,610 What we have here is a Lamborghini that I respect for its engineering, 472 00:32:46,660 --> 00:32:49,660 but love it? Quiver at the very sight of it? 473 00:32:51,180 --> 00:32:52,850 I'm afraid not. 474 00:33:08,220 --> 00:33:10,020 This is annoying. 475 00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:13,850 ~ This is really annoying. ~ Why? 476 00:33:13,900 --> 00:33:17,330 ~ Because I completely agree with you, for once. ~ Do you?! ~ Yeah. 477 00:33:17,380 --> 00:33:20,530 It's... Lamborghinis should be mad and stupid 478 00:33:20,580 --> 00:33:23,610 and have rockets coming out of their exhausts. 479 00:33:23,660 --> 00:33:26,650 And this, I don't know, it just doesn't float my boat. 480 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:29,090 I know, it's almost as though they actually want to sell cars. 481 00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:30,810 And that is idiotic. 482 00:33:30,860 --> 00:33:34,130 No, no, seriously, because you know James and I have always said that, 483 00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:35,970 ~ one day, we'll open a pub? ~ Yes. 484 00:33:36,020 --> 00:33:38,650 And it'll be the best pub in the world, specifically because 485 00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:40,250 we won't allow anyone in it. 486 00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:44,130 ~ Not anyone? ~ No, nobody at all. Nobody. 487 00:33:44,180 --> 00:33:47,250 I know an accountant would say, "That's a ridiculous business plan", 488 00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,050 but it will be good, because it won't be cluttered up 489 00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:52,970 with people with smelly bottoms wanting scampi in a basket. 490 00:33:53,020 --> 00:33:55,850 Yeah, but what's this got to do with Lamborghini? 491 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:59,530 Because Lamborghini should be making cars that they want to make, 492 00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:02,050 not cars that their accountants think will make a few quid. 493 00:34:02,100 --> 00:34:04,570 Yeah, I think maybe the problem here is that Lamborghini 494 00:34:04,620 --> 00:34:05,810 is owned by Audi. 495 00:34:05,860 --> 00:34:08,490 And would you drink in a pub owned by Audi? 496 00:34:08,540 --> 00:34:10,490 God, no. No! 497 00:34:10,540 --> 00:34:13,850 So, would you drive a car designed by Weatherspoons? 498 00:34:13,900 --> 00:34:15,690 ~ No. ~ No, I wouldn't do that, either. 499 00:34:15,740 --> 00:34:19,650 Anyway, we've got to find out how fast this goes round our track. 500 00:34:19,700 --> 00:34:22,370 And that means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 501 00:34:22,420 --> 00:34:29,050 Some say that his favourite football formation is 8-8-19. 502 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:33,690 And while we were off air, his iCloud was hacked 503 00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:36,530 and now everyone in the world has seen his helmet. 504 00:34:36,580 --> 00:34:39,290 All we know is, he's called The Stig! 505 00:34:42,060 --> 00:34:45,450 And he's off. Tiny bit of wheel spin and then the gyros 506 00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:49,170 and computers tell the four-wheel drive stuff to do its thing! 507 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:53,250 Flying through the first corner, Stig really working hard 508 00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,840 at the wheel of Kermit's wash bag. 509 00:35:01,700 --> 00:35:06,250 Mmm, Stig enjoying a smooth serving of The Carpenters, there. 510 00:35:06,300 --> 00:35:08,370 No dramas through Chicago. 511 00:35:08,420 --> 00:35:10,010 Now, Hammerhead. 512 00:35:10,060 --> 00:35:12,890 All-wheel drive cars can push wide here. 513 00:35:12,940 --> 00:35:18,130 Stig using a very delicate steer. No whiff of understeer. 514 00:35:18,180 --> 00:35:21,420 Just flying round there and out the other side. 515 00:35:23,060 --> 00:35:25,810 ♪ Sharing horizons that are new... ♪ 516 00:35:25,860 --> 00:35:29,210 OK, Follow Through. A chance to really get 517 00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:31,600 the ten-cylinder hammer down. 518 00:35:32,580 --> 00:35:33,690 Wow! 519 00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:37,170 Whatever Stig did during his holiday has made him extra committed. 520 00:35:37,220 --> 00:35:41,650 Just two corners left. Turning in, with precision. 521 00:35:41,700 --> 00:35:45,060 Ooh, he's gone a bit sideways up to Gambon. 522 00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:49,540 Skates it through there and across the line. 523 00:35:49,980 --> 00:35:56,210 This is amazing. This is truly amazing, because it did it... 524 00:35:56,260 --> 00:36:01,090 It did it in 1.15.8, which means it goes 525 00:36:01,140 --> 00:36:04,450 ~ right the way up there. Look at it. ~ Wow. ~ It's quicker than the McLaren 526 00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:08,450 MP4-12C. It's quicker than its big brother, the Aventador. 527 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,530 (And that means everything we've been saying is completely wrong.) 528 00:36:11,580 --> 00:36:13,610 Well, no, because I still think... 529 00:36:13,660 --> 00:36:16,570 That IS good, but it would be better if it was slower, 530 00:36:16,620 --> 00:36:18,650 but had knives sticking out of the wheels. 531 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:22,210 No, you're right because this part of the board is where Ferraris 532 00:36:22,260 --> 00:36:25,770 and serious stuff should live and Lamborghinis should be here, 533 00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:28,610 ~ which, interestingly enough, is where the Gallardo is. ~ Yeah. 534 00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:33,170 Anyway, we must now put a star in our reasonably-priced car. 535 00:36:33,220 --> 00:36:36,250 Now there are many, many well-known Eds in the world these days. 536 00:36:36,300 --> 00:36:39,250 There's Harris, Miliband, Balls. 537 00:36:40,660 --> 00:36:45,450 There is. But... But my guest tonight is the best 538 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,970 and the newest Ed of them all. Ladies and gentlemen - hmm-hmm - 539 00:36:49,020 --> 00:36:50,560 Ed Sheeran! 540 00:36:53,180 --> 00:36:55,650 Ooh, upcoming star, how are you? 541 00:36:58,460 --> 00:37:00,330 Ed Sheeran is here! 542 00:37:01,620 --> 00:37:03,260 He's here. 543 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:07,480 Thank you so much for coming. 544 00:37:08,180 --> 00:37:11,410 Now, obviously, you're a massive global megastar now, 545 00:37:11,460 --> 00:37:14,850 but is it true, what, five years ago, you were busking 546 00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:17,730 ~ on the London Underground? ~ No. 547 00:37:19,540 --> 00:37:20,970 No, I, eh... 548 00:37:21,020 --> 00:37:23,130 Did you ever sleep on the London Underground? 549 00:37:23,180 --> 00:37:26,450 ~ Yeah, well... ~ Ah, I knew there was something you'd done 550 00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:29,690 ~ on the London Underground! ~ No, it was... Yeah, it was just... 551 00:37:29,740 --> 00:37:32,570 I would, if there wasn't a place to stay, which, often, 552 00:37:32,620 --> 00:37:36,370 it was too late for me to call anyone for a sofa, I would stay out till 553 00:37:36,420 --> 00:37:41,170 about 5am and then get on the Circle Line and just, kind of, lean up, 554 00:37:41,220 --> 00:37:43,330 and then get up around 12 and.... 555 00:37:43,380 --> 00:37:47,210 And just go round and round, cos it is warm down there and... 556 00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:51,130 ~ It's great. It's great. ~ There you go, there's a top tip. 557 00:37:51,180 --> 00:37:54,890 ~ And did you sleep in the heating duct at Buckingham Palace? ~ No, no. 558 00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:58,130 ~ There's another no. ~ It was outside of Buckingham Palace, not in it. 559 00:37:58,180 --> 00:38:00,730 This is what I find fascinating, cos five years ago, 560 00:38:00,780 --> 00:38:03,010 you were trying to find somewhere warm to sleep in London. 561 00:38:03,060 --> 00:38:08,210 People have really taken it out of context. The Daily Mail 562 00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:11,700 ~ have taken the quote and been... ~ No(!) 563 00:38:12,780 --> 00:38:16,690 No, I won't believe that the Daily Mail makes stuff up(!) 564 00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:19,890 It wasn't, like, a massive hardship or anything. 565 00:38:19,940 --> 00:38:24,290 I wasn't living anywhere in London. I was sleeping on people's sofas 566 00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:28,730 and sometimes they didn't have sofas to sleep on. It wasn't common, 567 00:38:28,780 --> 00:38:32,010 ~ but it did happen, yeah. ~ Cos you were gigging a lot in those days, 568 00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:36,410 ~ working your bottom off. ~ I haven't stopped yet. It's still... 569 00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:38,970 But you were travelling down to Exeter, to get... 570 00:38:39,020 --> 00:38:43,490 ~ How much for performing in Exeter? ~ That was the worst thing. 571 00:38:43,540 --> 00:38:46,330 It was an 80 quid train ticket to Exeter and I was getting paid 572 00:38:46,380 --> 00:38:50,570 £50 for the gig and I arrived and soundchecked with the sound engineer. 573 00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:52,610 He was like, "Doors are at seven." 574 00:38:52,660 --> 00:38:55,330 Got to seven, I was on at 7.30. It was empty. 575 00:38:55,380 --> 00:38:58,050 He said, "Wait 15 minutes, see if people turn up." Empty. 576 00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:01,170 15 minutes later, "Yeah, wait another ten minutes." 577 00:39:01,220 --> 00:39:04,170 We ended up waiting an hour. No-one turned up, so I just played to him. 578 00:39:04,220 --> 00:39:06,170 ~ What did he say? ~ No, it was all right. 579 00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:09,410 And then I was, like, "Cool, see you later, mate", 580 00:39:09,460 --> 00:39:12,650 got my £50 and went and I'd missed the last train home. 581 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:18,090 But I'd just bought, from eBay, a Pokemon on the Game Boy Colour. 582 00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:22,170 And I just got that. So, I sat at the train station, until the morning, 583 00:39:22,220 --> 00:39:24,810 until the next train, playing Pokemon. It was great. 584 00:39:24,860 --> 00:39:26,770 It's where you learn it all from. 585 00:39:26,820 --> 00:39:29,730 So, now you've got to the point from playing Pokemon 586 00:39:29,780 --> 00:39:34,210 on Exeter railway station, have you not just sold out Wembley for, 587 00:39:34,260 --> 00:39:37,330 ~ how many nights is it? ~ Three nights. ~ Just you? In front of a crowd 588 00:39:37,380 --> 00:39:41,130 ~ of 80,000-90,000? ~ Around that, yeah. ~ Does that make you nervous? 589 00:39:41,180 --> 00:39:45,850 I was more nervous about today, doing the lap. Genuinely, genuinely. 590 00:39:45,900 --> 00:39:49,650 Cos I mean your whole life is... Obviously, you've met De Niro now. 591 00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:53,770 ~ Clinton? ~ Yeah. ~ And then, today, you met James May. ~ Yeah. 592 00:39:53,820 --> 00:39:56,290 So, you've completed the circle. 593 00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:59,930 Can I talk a bit about your early life, before we get on to the cars, 594 00:39:59,980 --> 00:40:02,930 if we may? Cos I was slightly staggered. You had a number 595 00:40:02,980 --> 00:40:06,780 of illnesses when you were little. (Not just your hair.) 596 00:40:07,540 --> 00:40:10,210 ~ Glaucoma? ~ It probably could have led to that. 597 00:40:10,260 --> 00:40:12,930 I had a big birthmark on the side of my face 598 00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:16,170 ~ that I had to get lasered off. And weird eyes. ~ Weird eyes. 599 00:40:16,220 --> 00:40:18,290 And you had to play sports wearing some... 600 00:40:18,340 --> 00:40:21,370 Well, my view on it is that I was a very weird kid in primary school 601 00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,330 and I probably didn't have a lot of friends, 602 00:40:23,380 --> 00:40:25,810 but, I think, God looked down and went, "You need some help" 603 00:40:25,860 --> 00:40:29,050 ~ and gave me a guitar and it worked out. ~ And here you are. ~ Yes. 604 00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:32,570 ~ Good old God. ~ The second half of my life is much more fun 605 00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:34,810 than the first half and I'd rather that way round, 606 00:40:34,860 --> 00:40:37,370 because half of the popular kids in school, 607 00:40:37,420 --> 00:40:39,730 I mean, you know, are... 608 00:40:41,380 --> 00:40:43,380 ~ BLEEP ~ their lives up. 609 00:40:45,780 --> 00:40:48,490 Now, we'd better get on, I'm afraid, to the elephant in the room. 610 00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:51,730 ~ Yes. ~ Um... Ed can't drive. 611 00:40:53,180 --> 00:40:55,730 And I don't just mean you have no driving licence. 612 00:40:55,780 --> 00:40:58,250 We've had that before, with Johnny Vegas 613 00:40:58,300 --> 00:41:03,010 and Jack Whitehall, more recently. But how much can't you drive? 614 00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:06,010 Or how much couldn't you drive before you got here today? 615 00:41:06,060 --> 00:41:10,810 I'd never sat in the driver's seat or put my hand on a steering wheel. 616 00:41:10,860 --> 00:41:14,570 The reason I said yes to Top Gear is that 617 00:41:14,620 --> 00:41:18,290 I thought it would be funny, the first time that I drive. 618 00:41:18,340 --> 00:41:23,450 It is... This must be the first-ever televised driving lesson. 619 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:28,610 I think so many 17-year-olds around the world would want The Stig 620 00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:30,890 to teach them how to drive and that's what happened. 621 00:41:30,940 --> 00:41:33,810 I think it is very, very ballsy to come here, saying, 622 00:41:33,860 --> 00:41:36,130 "I don't mind being filmed for my first ever lap." 623 00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:40,730 You have actually bought cars for people - 624 00:41:40,780 --> 00:41:45,250 ~ sound engineers and so on. ~ Yeah, I bought... Basically, every year 625 00:41:45,300 --> 00:41:49,170 I give people who work for me a Christmas bonus and this guy 626 00:41:49,220 --> 00:41:53,690 who works for me was, basically, every year, spending his Christmas 627 00:41:53,740 --> 00:41:56,330 bonus on things you should spend your bonus on - his family. 628 00:41:56,380 --> 00:42:00,050 But he would always go on about wanting a Porsche 911 Carrera. 629 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:02,850 "Oh, that's my dream car, but I'm doing up the bathroom next", 630 00:42:02,900 --> 00:42:06,410 ~ so this year, I just got him the Porsche. ~ You bought him a 911? 631 00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:11,610 ~ Yeah. ~ Didn't you buy another sound engineer a Smart car? 632 00:42:11,660 --> 00:42:15,290 I bought my guitar tech a Smart car, but that was another... 633 00:42:15,340 --> 00:42:19,450 What's he done wrong(?) How does he feel going, "Oh, brilliant"? 634 00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:23,330 I see these people, day in and day out, 635 00:42:23,380 --> 00:42:27,450 and they always talk about the thing that they want most. 636 00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:32,370 He's got really low ambition. We need to have a word with him. 637 00:42:32,420 --> 00:42:35,410 Are you sure he's doing your guitars properly? Cos if he thinks 638 00:42:35,460 --> 00:42:37,810 a Smart's a good enough car, when he could have said a 911! 639 00:42:37,860 --> 00:42:40,330 It's different strokes for different folks. 640 00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:44,170 You're right. Now, moving on to your lap. How was it out there? 641 00:42:44,220 --> 00:42:46,250 It was interesting. It was interesting. 642 00:42:46,300 --> 00:42:50,090 I had some very funny bloopers, which I'm sure you're going to show. 643 00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:52,180 We wouldn't do that. 644 00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:55,610 Yes, we would. 645 00:42:55,660 --> 00:43:01,330 Who'd like to see Ed's first-ever driving lesson on television? 646 00:43:01,380 --> 00:43:02,370 Yes! 647 00:43:02,420 --> 00:43:05,050 We've got one or two clips we'd like to show first 648 00:43:05,100 --> 00:43:08,380 of a few slip-ups. Let's have a look at those. 649 00:43:10,660 --> 00:43:14,050 So this is... Whoa, that's the second to last corner, 650 00:43:14,100 --> 00:43:16,810 ~ but you missed that by a long way there. ~ That looks great. 651 00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:20,010 Oh, my God, is that the Follow...? They go through the tyres! 652 00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:23,250 You're not going to hold it. You did! 653 00:43:23,300 --> 00:43:26,820 Oh, wait, wait, wait! Argh! 654 00:43:29,220 --> 00:43:33,500 Not again, not again at the Follow Through? The same! 655 00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:38,090 What staggers me about that is, when the car is sliding, 656 00:43:38,140 --> 00:43:41,010 particularly going through there, which is about 80mph. 657 00:43:41,060 --> 00:43:44,130 So, it's sliding like that. Most people just give up, 658 00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:47,690 but you, actually, were wrestling with the controls in there. 659 00:43:47,740 --> 00:43:48,770 That wasn't planned. 660 00:43:48,820 --> 00:43:53,420 I just didn't know to take my foot off the accelerator. 661 00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,730 You just kept it on? 662 00:43:56,780 --> 00:44:01,810 Yeah, I wasn't, like, "I'm going sort this out and show everyone 663 00:44:01,860 --> 00:44:05,370 "that I'm really good at driving." It was, literally, just like "Ah!" 664 00:44:05,420 --> 00:44:08,420 How do you actually walk about when they're that big? 665 00:44:09,620 --> 00:44:12,730 Shall we have a look at the fastest lap? Everybody ready? 666 00:44:12,780 --> 00:44:13,930 Yeah! 667 00:44:13,980 --> 00:44:16,740 Play the tape. Come on. Here we go. 668 00:44:19,380 --> 00:44:23,180 Yes, wheel spin from an automatic. Oh, it is wet, isn't it? Yeah. 669 00:44:24,940 --> 00:44:26,280 Come on. 670 00:44:26,980 --> 00:44:30,850 It will and here it comes. Down to the first corner 671 00:44:30,900 --> 00:44:34,370 and around it. Still can't believe that you had never driven 672 00:44:34,420 --> 00:44:36,170 a car before this morning. 673 00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:40,410 And you're around at... Slightly wide, but never mind. 674 00:44:40,460 --> 00:44:42,690 We're off towards Chicago now. 675 00:44:42,740 --> 00:44:45,860 Come on, come on, come on, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. 676 00:44:47,060 --> 00:44:50,530 Like it. Neat and tidy through there. 677 00:44:50,580 --> 00:44:52,970 No real problems, at all, and with tyre... 678 00:44:53,020 --> 00:44:55,360 Yes, the tyres are squealing. 679 00:44:56,820 --> 00:45:00,050 Keep your hands on the wheel, that is important. 680 00:45:00,100 --> 00:45:04,730 And this is the Hammerhead, designed to catch out the unwary and the new. 681 00:45:04,780 --> 00:45:06,130 But it hasn't got you! 682 00:45:06,180 --> 00:45:08,250 Right, now, this is it. 683 00:45:08,300 --> 00:45:10,730 This is coming up to what we call the Follow Through, 684 00:45:10,780 --> 00:45:13,780 cos if you get it wrong that's what happens. 685 00:45:17,620 --> 00:45:19,530 Lifting? No, you're not lifting. 686 00:45:19,580 --> 00:45:23,050 Nobody's ever had tyre squeal on their first-ever driving lesson. 687 00:45:23,100 --> 00:45:26,850 Through the tyres, can he do this? Yes, looking good. 688 00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:29,730 Oh, crikey, a little bit of brake action there 689 00:45:29,780 --> 00:45:31,970 or that could be automatic, on the car's part. 690 00:45:32,020 --> 00:45:34,250 Second to last corner, catches most people out, 691 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:35,570 but not you, not today. 692 00:45:35,620 --> 00:45:38,450 Into Gambon... 693 00:45:38,500 --> 00:45:40,610 And, oh, there was a burst of acceleration. 694 00:45:40,660 --> 00:45:43,200 And there we are, across the line! 695 00:45:47,260 --> 00:45:53,610 ~ Right, now... ~ It looked slower than it felt. ~ It does. 696 00:45:53,660 --> 00:45:57,610 It's not a fast car. There are faster ones available on the market. 697 00:45:57,660 --> 00:45:59,770 Where do you think you've come on our...? 698 00:45:59,820 --> 00:46:02,450 As long as I beat Jack Whitehall, I'm happy. 699 00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:06,610 Two things... One - Jack had driven a car before he got here, 700 00:46:06,660 --> 00:46:10,690 although he had no licence. And the track was mildly moist for him, 701 00:46:10,740 --> 00:46:14,970 barely wet, but it was very wet for you, so it obviously slows you down. 702 00:46:15,020 --> 00:46:17,410 So, he did a 1.54.5. 703 00:46:17,460 --> 00:46:22,050 And you, Ed Sheeran... 704 00:46:22,100 --> 00:46:24,410 you were... 705 00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:26,890 1.50... 706 00:46:26,940 --> 00:46:28,770 4... 707 00:46:28,820 --> 00:46:30,460 Ooh! 708 00:46:31,780 --> 00:46:33,650 ..3. 709 00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:36,900 And in wet. You've done it! 710 00:46:39,140 --> 00:46:40,690 Yeah. 711 00:46:40,740 --> 00:46:43,490 That is... Are you genuinely amazed by that? Cos I am. 712 00:46:43,540 --> 00:46:48,530 I guess so, but, like, that one was the best time that I did it. 713 00:46:48,580 --> 00:46:52,650 And the times before that were probably about 2.30. 714 00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:55,490 ~ So, um... ~ Well, with that level of improvement, 715 00:46:55,540 --> 00:46:58,730 we should just give Ed a driving licence now. 716 00:46:58,780 --> 00:47:01,650 ~ Yes! ~ Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Sheeran! 717 00:47:11,620 --> 00:47:16,730 Now, tonight, we are staging one of our important races, 718 00:47:16,780 --> 00:47:19,330 between the car, public transport, a bicycle 719 00:47:19,380 --> 00:47:24,010 and Jeremy's rather fanciful belief that we should travel everywhere 720 00:47:24,060 --> 00:47:25,090 on rivers. 721 00:47:25,140 --> 00:47:28,810 Yes, we are racing across St Petersburg in Russia. 722 00:47:28,860 --> 00:47:31,330 And when we left the action, Jeremy was in the lead, 723 00:47:31,380 --> 00:47:33,690 in his uncontrollable hovercraft. 724 00:47:33,740 --> 00:47:37,130 James was second, in his tiny, electric Renault. 725 00:47:37,180 --> 00:47:39,810 The Stig was somewhere or other on a metro train. 726 00:47:39,860 --> 00:47:43,900 And I had fallen off my bicycle and broken it. 727 00:47:56,420 --> 00:47:58,220 OK, this is good. 728 00:47:59,580 --> 00:48:02,060 Flat out on water. 729 00:48:06,780 --> 00:48:09,810 Remaining range - it tells me it is 40 miles, that's plenty. 730 00:48:09,860 --> 00:48:11,930 Bit of a jink round him. 731 00:48:12,170 --> 00:48:13,170 Ho-ho! 732 00:48:13,220 --> 00:48:16,930 You're probably thinking, "What's the point of that tiny little car? 733 00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,730 "Look at the size of that road he's on." 734 00:48:18,780 --> 00:48:21,370 Yes. But we're not in St Petersburg proper, yet. 735 00:48:21,420 --> 00:48:25,530 We're still on the outskirts. When we get near the middle, 736 00:48:25,580 --> 00:48:27,690 there's going to be a small alleyway, 737 00:48:27,740 --> 00:48:29,690 something built before cars were invented. 738 00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:31,930 Things wide enough for a horse. 739 00:48:31,980 --> 00:48:34,980 And then, I shall sweep to victory. 740 00:48:57,380 --> 00:49:00,770 The Stig, James and Jeremy were battling in what they thought 741 00:49:00,820 --> 00:49:03,570 was a three-horse race. 742 00:49:03,620 --> 00:49:06,250 But I had other plans... 743 00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:09,810 ~ So, you speak English? ~ I do. ~ And you don't speak English? 744 00:49:09,860 --> 00:49:12,170 ~ A little bit. ~ Can you interpret? 745 00:49:12,220 --> 00:49:15,380 I've broken my bike. I fell off my bicycle. 746 00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:18,980 Can I borrow your bike? 747 00:49:19,940 --> 00:49:24,290 ~ No. ~ Oh, please. I'm in a race. 748 00:49:24,340 --> 00:49:28,730 ~ A hovercraft has gone past now. ~ I'm late, I have to go to my work. 749 00:49:28,780 --> 00:49:32,330 If we give you a lift to work, can I borrow your bike? 750 00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:37,970 ~ OK. ~ Really, can we? ~ Yes. 751 00:49:38,020 --> 00:49:40,180 Really? What a gentleman! 752 00:49:43,940 --> 00:49:48,290 As a producer took the kind young man to work, 753 00:49:48,340 --> 00:49:50,570 I was getting to grips with his wheels. 754 00:49:50,620 --> 00:49:55,050 OK, this isn't as fast as the other bicycle, I'll be honest. 755 00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:59,620 I'm doing 16mph, instead of 22, and it's killing me. 756 00:50:01,580 --> 00:50:05,290 Hammond would have struggled to catch up with me on his £9,000 757 00:50:05,340 --> 00:50:09,410 Tour de France bike, but on some clunky old piece of Russian pig-iron 758 00:50:09,460 --> 00:50:12,370 that he's borrowed from a local, he's got no chance, has he? 759 00:50:12,420 --> 00:50:13,410 Let's be honest. 760 00:50:13,460 --> 00:50:17,410 On HMS Petrol, I wasn't worried about Hammond's recovery 761 00:50:17,460 --> 00:50:19,780 because my lead was immense! 762 00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:24,610 And I was going like a bat out of hell. 763 00:50:24,660 --> 00:50:25,940 Power. 764 00:50:27,380 --> 00:50:28,570 Right through the middle. 765 00:50:28,620 --> 00:50:31,420 But then, I hit the city centre. 766 00:50:37,540 --> 00:50:41,890 Got hydrofoils coming in at speed from the left and the right. 767 00:50:41,940 --> 00:50:45,250 Two ferries and a water taxi. 768 00:50:45,300 --> 00:50:49,620 Oh, my giddy aunt, there's one over there. 769 00:50:50,620 --> 00:50:52,090 ~ Oh ~ BLEEP. 770 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:56,530 In traffic like this, the hover-van was a menace. 771 00:50:56,580 --> 00:51:01,180 Turn! Turn! 772 00:51:03,540 --> 00:51:06,210 Good God, I'm totally out of control. 773 00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:12,850 Holy mother of God, turn! 774 00:51:12,900 --> 00:51:15,090 Turn! Turn! 775 00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:16,280 No! 776 00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:20,570 ~ Oh ~ BLEEP. ~ Not very... 777 00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:24,170 I'm crashing into St Petersburg now. 778 00:51:25,820 --> 00:51:28,020 Power! Come on, hover-van. 779 00:51:30,860 --> 00:51:35,980 Oh, there's swimmers. Oh, please, turn. Please. 780 00:51:38,460 --> 00:51:41,370 I, too, had reached the city centre, where the tiny Twizy 781 00:51:41,420 --> 00:51:45,220 would come into its own, in the ancient narrow streets. 782 00:51:47,660 --> 00:51:49,060 Oh, cock. 783 00:51:50,780 --> 00:51:53,620 The main roads were eight lanes wide... 784 00:51:55,180 --> 00:51:58,250 .. and the side roads weren't much thinner. 785 00:51:58,300 --> 00:52:01,370 Small wonder there are no parking regulations in St Petersburg. 786 00:52:01,420 --> 00:52:03,160 There's no need. 787 00:52:04,300 --> 00:52:08,290 Look at it. Could have done this in a stretch Lincoln Continental 788 00:52:08,340 --> 00:52:10,480 or a Hummer or something. 789 00:52:12,380 --> 00:52:15,300 Worse, worse. Just worse. 790 00:52:20,260 --> 00:52:23,740 I will not give up, I will not give up. 791 00:52:26,740 --> 00:52:29,210 22 miles an hour there. Oh. 792 00:52:29,260 --> 00:52:31,800 And I think I'm going to be sick. 793 00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:35,100 Meanwhile, back on the river... 794 00:52:35,940 --> 00:52:37,480 Holy Moley! 795 00:52:38,460 --> 00:52:39,650 And another one! 796 00:52:39,700 --> 00:52:43,130 'In order to avoid death by hydrofoil, 797 00:52:43,180 --> 00:52:48,690 'I decided to leave the river and use St Petersburg's canals.' 798 00:52:48,740 --> 00:52:51,450 This is a canal, it's what I need. 799 00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:55,940 They were much quieter, but there was now another problem. 800 00:53:03,580 --> 00:53:05,420 No, don't... 801 00:53:07,820 --> 00:53:12,610 To get under the low bridges, I had to deflate the skirts. 802 00:53:12,660 --> 00:53:16,890 That meant coming off the power and coasting, which went well(!) 803 00:53:16,940 --> 00:53:19,410 Sinking. Sinking now. 804 00:53:19,460 --> 00:53:21,130 Oh, giddy aunt. 805 00:53:23,300 --> 00:53:26,130 Oh, Christ, this is lower, this is even lower. 806 00:53:26,180 --> 00:53:27,370 Two and a half metres, 807 00:53:27,420 --> 00:53:31,660 that's pretty much the height of the props on the back. 808 00:53:33,420 --> 00:53:35,570 No, no, no, don't rise up, don't rise up! 809 00:53:35,620 --> 00:53:38,260 Oh, my... No, no, no. 810 00:53:41,060 --> 00:53:43,770 In the Twizy, I'd discovered that no matter how wide the streets 811 00:53:43,820 --> 00:53:47,380 may be, a jam is still a jam. 812 00:53:48,500 --> 00:53:52,050 See, look, small cars don't make any difference. 813 00:53:52,100 --> 00:53:54,530 If I was on the bike, I'd be down there, but no car is narrow 814 00:53:54,580 --> 00:53:56,340 enough for that. 815 00:53:57,540 --> 00:54:02,500 While James sat motionless, I was now entering the city centre... 816 00:54:05,060 --> 00:54:07,220 I can still do this. Oh. 817 00:54:08,700 --> 00:54:13,410 .. where I discovered that cyclists are completely invisible. 818 00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:16,050 Oh, you're not... You didn't... Honestly?! 819 00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:18,290 Not even an attempt, was there? 820 00:54:18,340 --> 00:54:21,700 Argh, wait for me, numb nuts. 821 00:54:26,340 --> 00:54:31,450 On the underground, Stig had noticed that many of his fellow passengers 822 00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,090 were holding on to strange things. 823 00:54:34,140 --> 00:54:38,540 And so, at the next station, he decided he should have one, too. 824 00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:00,090 I'm on the tram lines and in a traffic jam. 825 00:55:00,140 --> 00:55:02,340 Come on, come on, come on. 826 00:55:04,540 --> 00:55:07,810 Terrified that I'll see Richard Hammond turning up any second 827 00:55:07,860 --> 00:55:10,130 on his stolen mountain bike. 828 00:55:12,660 --> 00:55:16,330 Man stopped in the bus lane, looking under his car, 829 00:55:16,380 --> 00:55:19,050 probably for a cyclist he's run over. 830 00:55:21,060 --> 00:55:23,610 Don't worry about me, I'm just a cyclist. I'm just a pigeon. 831 00:55:23,660 --> 00:55:26,060 Don't you worry yourself, chum. 832 00:55:26,300 --> 00:55:28,770 Like all cyclists, Hammond was becoming 833 00:55:28,820 --> 00:55:32,020 ~ full of rage and aggression. ~ Come on, really?! 834 00:55:32,660 --> 00:55:37,130 Whereas, in my un-air-conditioned hover-van, I was becoming hot, 835 00:55:37,180 --> 00:55:39,730 bothered and stuck. 836 00:55:39,780 --> 00:55:42,300 Sweating. Sweating a lot. 837 00:55:46,820 --> 00:55:50,210 Not certain this was a good idea. I really am not. 838 00:55:50,260 --> 00:55:53,100 Oh, now, this one is tight. 839 00:55:55,500 --> 00:55:58,820 Lower. No, no, no, Christ. 840 00:56:01,460 --> 00:56:02,730 Bloody hell. 841 00:56:02,780 --> 00:56:05,530 Scary! No, no, no, no, no! 842 00:56:07,180 --> 00:56:12,450 Oh... Not now, not now, not now! I'm in a big problem! 843 00:56:12,500 --> 00:56:13,820 What? 844 00:56:23,500 --> 00:56:26,500 ~ Oh, ~ BLEEP, ~ I should have actually gone to the right. 845 00:56:27,580 --> 00:56:29,250 Right, U-turn. 846 00:56:31,500 --> 00:56:33,380 Concentrate, May. 847 00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:39,210 Thanks to James's famously-poor sense of direction, 848 00:56:39,260 --> 00:56:41,490 I was now in with a shout, 849 00:56:41,540 --> 00:56:45,500 especially as I could take a short-cut through the Winter Palace. 850 00:56:48,340 --> 00:56:49,530 Wow. 851 00:56:49,580 --> 00:56:53,020 Thank goodness James has got a Twizy to fit in this place(!) 852 00:56:55,740 --> 00:56:58,530 Little corner cut, that'll save me a minute or two. 853 00:56:58,580 --> 00:57:01,260 Water coming up, over the bridge. 854 00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:10,770 In the hover-van, I was finally free of the canals 855 00:57:10,820 --> 00:57:14,050 and back on the now traffic-free river. 856 00:57:14,100 --> 00:57:17,800 I've got a lot of time to make up now. Come on! Power! 857 00:57:26,620 --> 00:57:31,250 We were now entering the final stages of our race. 858 00:57:31,300 --> 00:57:33,010 And at this point, 859 00:57:33,060 --> 00:57:36,540 because all of us were all over the place, any one of us could win it. 860 00:57:39,260 --> 00:57:42,360 Coming past. I can have that, I'll have that. 861 00:57:44,980 --> 00:57:46,780 Whoa, heavy turn. 862 00:57:49,220 --> 00:57:50,760 Full thrust! 863 00:57:53,860 --> 00:57:57,260 I will not give up, I will not give up. Come on! 864 00:58:00,620 --> 00:58:04,170 Really giving this thing the electric berries here. 865 00:58:04,220 --> 00:58:06,060 Buffeting! 866 00:58:08,660 --> 00:58:12,300 That is 144 horsepower, right there. Ha-ha! 867 00:58:17,300 --> 00:58:21,810 ~ What the ~ BLEEP ~ hell, are you...? You great gangly ~ BLEEP ~ knuckle ~ BLEEP, 868 00:58:21,860 --> 00:58:24,530 ~ greasy-haired ~ BLEEP ~ bag. ~ BLEEP ~ you. 869 00:58:25,620 --> 00:58:29,300 That's more like it. A narrow side street. 870 00:58:36,020 --> 00:58:37,960 We can win this, van. 871 00:58:38,180 --> 00:58:39,530 Come on. 872 00:58:39,580 --> 00:58:41,930 Come on, come on. 873 00:58:41,980 --> 00:58:43,820 I'm very close. 874 00:58:44,860 --> 00:58:46,000 Ah. 875 00:58:48,660 --> 00:58:51,260 There it is. There's the end point. 876 00:58:52,780 --> 00:58:57,770 Where is this unpronounceable palace? Where is James May? 877 00:58:57,820 --> 00:58:59,620 Where is The Stig? 878 00:59:08,620 --> 00:59:12,170 There it is. Yes, there is the finish line! 879 00:59:12,220 --> 00:59:15,780 Oh, wait a minute, have I got to get up that bloody thing? I have. 880 00:59:19,820 --> 00:59:23,180 Somewhere around here, I'm looking for a big white palace. 881 00:59:25,940 --> 00:59:27,740 Right, here we go! 882 00:59:32,220 --> 00:59:34,290 No! No, no, no, no, no. 883 00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:41,900 Stopping. 884 00:59:44,820 --> 00:59:46,380 Oh, God! 885 00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:51,500 It's Hammond. Bloody hell. Ha-ha! 886 00:59:55,140 --> 00:59:58,050 Argh. Not again. Argh! 887 00:59:58,100 --> 01:00:00,370 Please tell me, have I won? 888 01:00:06,860 --> 01:00:10,370 Oh, Christ, look behind you. 889 01:00:10,420 --> 01:00:11,940 Oh, Jesus. 890 01:00:16,660 --> 01:00:20,330 Well, there we are. Proof that the car is... 891 01:00:20,380 --> 01:00:22,530 ~ Is better. ~ It's better. ~ Was worth it. 892 01:00:22,580 --> 01:00:24,930 I'm afraid, even when it's comedically small, 893 01:00:24,980 --> 01:00:28,170 ~ French and electric, it's still better. ~ I've ruined my penis 894 01:00:28,220 --> 01:00:31,970 ~ and £9,000-worth of bicycle. ~ Yep. I've just realised something. 895 01:00:32,020 --> 01:00:33,690 ~ What? ~ Three of us are here. 896 01:00:33,740 --> 01:00:36,930 ~ Yeah, I completely forgot. ~ Oh, hang on. ~ Where is The Stig? 897 01:00:36,980 --> 01:00:38,520 Where is he? 898 01:00:56,780 --> 01:01:00,570 James May has restored the reputation of the car. 899 01:01:00,620 --> 01:01:04,930 ~ Yes. ~ Thing is, though... The thing is, though, 900 01:01:04,980 --> 01:01:08,450 if you don't want to drive around in a little Philishave, 901 01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:11,970 with optional doors, you'll have to buy what came second, 902 01:01:12,020 --> 01:01:14,010 which, of course, was the hovercraft. 903 01:01:14,060 --> 01:01:17,250 Oh, no, hang on a minute. I would have won that by 20 minutes, 904 01:01:17,300 --> 01:01:22,170 ~ if I hadn't fallen off. ~ Yes, but you did fall off. Twice, in fact. 905 01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:25,820 ~ Yeah. ~ In an 18-mile journey, you consumed two bicycles. 906 01:01:27,180 --> 01:01:31,810 ~ I did, yeah. ~ All we learned from you is that you're a spanner 907 01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:34,610 and it's difficult to draw any meaningful conclusions 908 01:01:34,660 --> 01:01:37,210 from The Stig's journey. So, in that whole film, 909 01:01:37,260 --> 01:01:39,890 we've learned absolutely nothing, at all. 910 01:01:39,940 --> 01:01:43,770 And on that bombshell, it is time to end. 911 01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:46,690 Thank you so much for watching. See you again next week. Good night!